I always wanted to be a writer. I dreamed to be a writer and win the Nobel Prize with my fabulous works. I wanted to fulfill all through my writing tasks. But as time goes by and I had to work and earn money for living, my focus keeps moving toward money rather than my true North.
In Korea, several stock soars due to COVID-19 kits. Before its severe outbreak, I wanted to cheer the company by buying the stocks because the company put all their efforts to invent the kits for Korea. However, I haven’t invested in stock market for long and current financial state made me hesitated. At last, I gave up. After a few days, literally a few days, it doubled, tripled, and now quadrupled. I felt weird. Though I didn’t buy stocks, I felt like I lost my money, which lasted longer than I expected.
This morning, all of sudden, I remembered my dream, the writer who changes the world with words and faith. I haven’t written any words while focusing on my career as a director of English Institute in Korea.
My dream is not just about earning money quickly. It is about giving hope to all with my warm words and philosophy. I must not forget it anymore.
I heard about one actress who had a disabled child and ended her life with misery and regret. The narrator kept using a word “what if” which made me frustrated. As the narrator was saying, “what if she didn’t meet her at the conference, her life would be different,” one frustration bothered me. While watching her story, it seemed like she blamed on others and didn’t even take responsibility. Even though her child was disabled, she should love her and took care of her with love and hope because we never know what each child would become when they grow up. It was not the woman who she gave a kiss to, but herself who made her life unfortunate and miserable.
Through the life, we face so many difficulties and troubles drowning us to the bottom of the darkness. However, I realize if I start asking myself and other ‘what if’ questions, nothing would happen and no hope and chances would come to life. My favorite author, Hal Elrod, who wrote ‘The Miracle Morning,’ left my favorite quote saying
“It begins with accepting total responsibility for every aspect of your life and refusing to blame anyone else. The degree to which you accept responsibility for everything in your life is precisely the degree of personal power you have to change or create anything in your life (XXXIII, The Miracle Morning).” and
“It really doesn’t matter who is at fault – all that matters is that you and I are committed to leaving the past in the past and making our lives exactly the way we want them to be, starting today (XXXIII, The Miracle Morning).”
When we start using the word “if” we can avoid responsibility, but we never experience our personal power and catch upcoming life-changing chances.
Today I went to work earlier than my working hour and read a book as meditation. It was true spring with soft breeze and as it came into my workplace and touched my face and hair, I could totally feel what the happiness is in my life.
I always tried to seek for the true happiness in my life by changing my life style and meeting new people; however, while reading a book before work in total silence, I felt calm and reaching who truely I am.
We sometimes misunderstand happiness as something big and surprising, therefore we believe if we become rich like Bill Gates or other billionaires, we can be happy. In fact, those who believe the happiness comes from the outer factors of life never actually be happy.
I listed up my happiness so that I can appreciate every little moment of life. Full of appreciation and happiness will turn my life to the true North.
Recently, my sleeping pattern has been messed up. I had trouble falling asleep in time amd waking up in time. I can feel all my muscles loosened up and my heart beat fast. If not working, I lost all my intension and control. Honstely speaking, I actually watched YouTube videos until 3 in the morning. Because I didn’t have to wake up and work, I forgot managing my minutes and day.
In the morning, I learned about immune system through YouTube video, which made me think I should stop this irregular sleeping pattern since it messes with my time and motivation.
Here are three promises to my immune system:
One, trying to sleep at 10 and wake up at 5.
Two, drawing all the curtains to make my room dark.
Three, meditating before bed.
I am still young, but I won’t stay young forever. I have duties to take care of my both body and mind. As I believe all starts from a little action, I never stop making efforts to take a small step forward.
I went back to work after two-week vacation. Because of coronavirus spreading over the world, a few students came to the institute and I felt a little lost. Even though I was expected how it would be like, it still made me embarrassed.
After wandering around all day, I actually clean my desk and surroundings. As I started the day, actually I listed up all the tasks I should comeplete in this week. However, with comparatively slow pace, I was confused to find out where to start my tasks. I couldn’t even finish one.
After cleaning my desk and surroundings, all my wandering thoughts cleared up and felt like getting ready to work. I should clean my place as soon as I arrived at work today, but I started with othet tasks which I didn’t even plan and think about.
I always start my day with plan and list, but like today, I just started my work as just it began without a few minutes to clear my thoughts up. In a long time, my day went without plan and list. I once again learn cleaning is really important to manage my time and schedule. Here are two lessons:
One, keep your surroundings clean and neat
Two, take a breath and think before actually work starts.
I took the unexpected, long vacation because of Coronavirus. It was the last day and my bestie came over to my town having dinner together.
I once again realized that eating is one of my greatest pleasure and spending time with my bestie is another one.
When I was alone, I never thought of spending time with others. I felt so comfortable doing all by myself, but once starting dating, spending time by myself for a long time made me feel awkward. I am so grateful for all and him as well.
Good night. Have a sweet dream. God allows us to love, so we should love ourself first, then the given one. Let’s love 😍
Last night, watching the movie titled “The Pursuit of Happyness” I was determined not to say good-bye if he goes through difficulty.
In the movie, even though I agree that if he hadn’t confronted the difficult situations such as his wife leaving, he would and might not get desperate and motivated to catch his chance, the moment when his wife finally left him made me feel so bad. Sometimes in life, we all experiece very depressing events that seem never-ending. When I confront the darkest moment of life, I alwasy desperately wish that one person, not many, but a faithful one, is with me, flashing a light by talking and laughing as usual with me.
While talking to my bestie, I told him to promise that we must not break up when one goes through difficulty. We should trust and wait until difficulty is over. Also I told him to promise that he must not say good-bye because his situations don’t seem hopeful and he struggles with financial or physical problems.
Life is not always colorful and full of joy. Sometimes, it just takes off all the colors and drowns. We should keep reading books, watching movies, and thinking about all different situations and prepare for all.
It’s Saturday tomorrow, so I watched a movie titled “The Pursuit of Happyness” which Will Smith starred in. It is actually one of my favorite movies, but I barely can watch it because it is really difficult for me to see the main character go through difficulty. However, I loved the moment when Chris Gardner actually caught the opportunity to join the internship though he didn’t even have any special background and was a high-school graduate, unlikely his competitors. Also I can watch the moment when Chris Gardner finally got a job at Dean Witter. It was pretty much overwhelming.
While watching the movie, as usual, I’ve thought about several things in life, such as only six months of hard work-very, very, highly concentrated, hard work- being required to seize chances and change life. However, at this time, I’ve more thought about why I want to get rich. Why do I want to be super rich, not just rich, but ultra-super-mighty rich?
I want to be a person who can give people chances and hope. At the movie, Chris Gardner had a hard time finding a place to sleep with his son. In fact, sometimes the basic elements for human rights are lacked to survive, which are a place to live, food to eat, and clothes to wear. I want to be rich as Bill Gates and Warren Buffet and become a person giving the second chance to people who are about to give up. In the movie, Chris Gardner was a person with strong will and firm determination that he could make all to the end, but in reality, it cannot apply to the majority of people.
Here is one of my dreaming plans:
1. To Buy as many places as I can
2. To Rent them for minimum fees
3. To Help them build their financial bases
I hope all around the world are treated fairly with fair opportunities.
Sometimes, pressure and uncertainty suffocate me and make me feel unfortunate. After struggling with life, I once more think having my own place to hide from all the difficulties is a blessing. While taking a shower, warm water relaxes all the muscles. I feel blessed that I can feel warm water thoroughly no matter how cold weather is. As I sneaking into the bed, my lovely two cats follow me and snuggle up to me. Their warm and soft fur let me feel loved. I am so grateful that my lovely cats love me with thier innocent hearts.
In the battle field, it is easy to forget what made me lively because I fully concentrate on survival. However, hiding in my own place, I can take a breath and think about the past, present, and future.
Even though it seems so difficult, with all the elements making me happy and my life valuable, I can go through all situations with hope. Therefore, remembering the elements of happiness and trying to feel them every day and night to recharge energy for tomorrow is the key for endurance.
Life is all about endurance. Those who endure to the end will win at the end.
I am not a person who likes cleaning and makes all things straight. I am more like a person who likes to stay in a mess and believes artists should be able to stand in a mess for stronger creativity. However, when I make a determination on any problems, I feel like I must start all over again after deleting all the past events. It is the most difficult problem I struggle with. In my thirties, I want to get rid of O.C.D. for further steps in my life because I read the same pages over and over without making any process, being trapped in O.C.D.
In fact, I hid all my past posts on my Instagram so that I could feel like I start everything new on the clean, blank white paper. Deleting all the memories and creating brand new myself were the most difficult and impossible task I recently confront.
While watching a Book-Review video about becoming influencers on YouTube, I changed my mind and showed all the past posts on Instagram and decided not to get trapped in my O.C.D. Here I am, and I am ready to say good-bye to my O.C.D. which stopped me heading forward and forced me to be obsessed with the ridiculous idea of perfection. I never got perfect, and I will never ever get perfect. I am full of possibility as the way I am imperfect. I will dedicate my 2020 to challenges for the next stage of my life. Awesome!